Relationship Troubles

“Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.”  ~Rainer Maria Rilke


“People change and forget to tell each other.”  ~Lillian Hellman

“As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will.  You will have your heart-broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time.  You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.  You’ll fight with your best friend.  You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did.  You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love.”  ~Author Unknown


Relationship troubles come in many forms as do relationships themselves. We have a relationship with ourself, our parents, our friends, our bosses and coworkers, our children, siblings but the relationship troubles that weigh most on most people’s minds is their love relationships. There are many songs and poems written to love found and lost. Our favorite tv shows are all about relationships.

How to get one, how to keep one and how to get out of one they no longer want seems to be what is most important.

Communication plays a big role in the healthiness of a relationship. Though in a context that may surprise you. Most problems that occur in relationships are caused by the unspoken expectations and meanings we put on things that we may have never realized that we did so were never expressed. There are fundamental beliefs we all have about relationships and they may not always mesh with what the other person defines it to mean. For example one partner may say lets date each other. The other partner may have a whole preconceived idea of what “date” means such as we “date” no one else. There can be problems if the other partner just means I want to spend more time with you to get to know you but I am still going to see other people. Learning to discuss openly without judgement what each other means and needs if a difficult thing. We care so much what the other person thinks that we don’t stop to realize that these are the kinds of things that will destroy a relationship and it wasn’t anyone’s fault. We were not taught that understanding that you may not know what you need to communicate and when it needs to be expressed makes a difference in the health of our relationships.

I have made a list of questions I use with patients in helping them determine if they are compatible together. I believe these are the keys to a lasting relationship:


  1. What do they expect from a partner?
  2. Do they have an addictive nature?
  3. What is their relationship with their family members?
  4. What is their relationship like with their kids and ex-spouses?
  5. What is their spiritual belief system? How do they feel about GOD? What do they believe in?
  6. Are they able to communicate? How do they fight?
  7. What happens when they get angry?
  8. Are you compatible? What is the balance of power in the relationship?
  9. Do they share the same beliefs as you? Where do they differ? What is their relationship with money? How do they handle money?

IMAGE: Salvatore Vuono/

Dr. Lewis Jordan has over 20 years experience in psychotherapy, counseling, education and public speaking. Dr. Lewis Jordan’s Psychotherapy ServicesFlorida therapy offices for Therapy & Neurofeedback Services are located in various locations throughout South Florida as well as offices in New York City and South Carolina.  Please click here for Dr. Lewis Jordan’s current Educational Videos

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Blessings to you.

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