Self Esteem – “Who am I, and what makes me worthy?”

Self Esteem – “Who am I, and what makes me worthy?”

A question I hear quite often as a Psychotherapist in my Florida Therapy offices.


Having healthy self esteem involves believing that you deserve to feel good.  Many of us have created stories that make us unworthy of happiness and love.  Many of us create thoughts moment by moment that reinforce these belief systems (beliefs that we made up to begin with).  Good Self Esteem starts with uncovering those beliefs that according to us, make us wrong, bad or not good enough and then changing those beliefs to ones that work for us and for our better-feeling-state. A state of happiness, joy and self love. Those feeling states are what our natural energies and natural cells area striving to reach at every moment of our lives.


Our beliefs about our self worth typically come from our childhood, when we first start formulating the foundational meanings of who and what we are by the imprinting and modeling of those behaviors closets to us [usually our parents].  Additionally, the need for a feeling of safety is paramount to all children and therefore most negative events that a child may go through, they assume responsibility for in order to create safety in their minds.

Divorce, addictions, deaths, all become part of a story interpreted as somehow the child being ‘not-good-enough’ therefore not worthy of love in some way. This becomes a belief over time that drives the now adult-child to participate in relationships and behaviors that validate the unworthiness or seek to correct this feeling in a codependent way.


Once a belief that does not uphold healthy self-worth and self esteem is identified, it can them be changed with the help of a skilled therapist.  The belief can be changed to one that DOES support emotional stability and healthy self-worth.


The new belief system is then reinforced through cognitive restructuring that helps shift the conditioned brain/mind to a new habituated presentation in life that supports a clients new self esteem and positive mental health.


Additionally, when dealing with low self esteem, most of the time our behaviors become a reflection of who we believe ourselves to be and become a definition of who we are.  For when you are in this mind state that you are ‘never going to be good enough’ and your behaviors [in your mind] are never going to be expectable to everyone, all the time.  This can cause great anxiety, depression and low self-esteem because we are in that moment seeking validation and approval from others. It is only when we define ourselves separate from our behaviors that we are finally free and have true self esteem.


In essence your returning to you, the belief that you held so true as a new born child. Did you need to deserve love as a new born baby?    “I am deserving of love just because I exist and I do not      have to have – do – or be anything to deserve love. I deserve love because I am.  Because I exist.”



Dr. Lewis James Jordan

Dr. Lewis Jordan has over 20 years experience in psychotherapy, counseling, education and public speaking. Dr. Lewis Jordan’s Psychotherapy ServicesFlorida therapy offices for Therapy & Neurofeedback Services are located in various locations throughout South Florida as well as offices in New York City and South Carolina.  Please click here for Dr. Lewis Jordan’s current Educational Videos

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Blessings to you.

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