Relationships

Your relationships with everything in your life are based on your perceptions of
Who you are and What you think you deserve.

SAFTEY VS. DESERVABILITY – A BIG ISSUES IN LIFE
We make up rules and beliefs for our lives based on the need to be safe & based our core belief of WHO we think we are.

BUT WHO ARE YOU, REALLY?

YOUR EGO IS INTERPRETING YOUR EXPEREINCES. ( MYSELF )
YOU ARE THE ONE HAVING THEM. ( I )

When you get confused & think that you are your interpretations of your experiences, [your behaviors] you may start to feel emotional pain. i.e. depression, anxiety. The Experiences you have are real, your interpretations are not – They are based on what you believe to be true about yourself.
This is where the real work begins: TRUST, FAITH, BELIEVE. When you Believe something, you are determining it to be. You are saying, “Nothing but this is going to happen.” Faith can move mountains.

1. First you must believe in your deservability.
• This is continuously undermined when we think we are our behaviors.

2. We must trust the ( I ). Trust that you, the one who is experiencing, is leading yourself to your greatest joy [if you just let it].

3. Trust and be open to change, don’t resist.

4. Don’t worry about knowing the path or the answers – go with what feels good!

5. Stay in balance. When you ask for something that you are not, you are saying, ‘I’m undeserving.’ When you ask for something that you are, and except something less, you are saying, ‘I’m not good enough.’

REMEMBER YOUR RESPONSIBLY FOR DETERMINING YOUR VALUE IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS. WHAT ARE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS TELLING YOU YOUR WORTH?

Anger and emotional pain comes when the ego perceives a threat. We become the ‘angry victim’ to protect the ego at the expense of the self (the one experiencing) because when we are the angry victim, we are in un forgiveness of another, or ourselves (shame/guilt) and therefore define ourselves by our behaviors, which are NEVER going to be ‘good enough’.

So, How does this happen…..?

When we are young we look at our parents as Gods, and to a large extent they are because as newborns we depend on them for our very existence. So, what they think about us matters a great deal. At birth we do not understand yet that we are separate and as we do start to understand this we develop an Ego. As we look into the mirror of life and start to recognize ourselves and that we are separate from our parents, we model and imprint behaviors and beliefs to survive our circumstances. The more responsibility we can take for our circumstances the more control we have and control – is – safety.

Examples:

1. If I am sick, I am safe. “I can do that, I’m not feeling well.” [control]

2. I can’t handle conflict so I’ll ignore it and be safe.

3. Only people who work hard deserve money.

4. Sexually: I am dirty and wrong and I’ll find someone to love me enough to take that feeling away.

5. I can’t feel pain: So, I’ll drink or take this pill to not feel anything.

6. I don’t deserve to have a man because my father abandoned me, which meant I was not good enough.

7. My mother put drinking first so I don’t deserve love until I can make someone stop drinking

8. I do want a relationship but relationships are painful and you could get hurt . So, I would rather be alone.

9. I deserve to be lonely because I am a bad person.

10. I don’t deserve money because I did not suffer for it.

11. People who are not faithful are bad people.

12. I can’t let a relationship go because if I do it reminds me of when my father or mother abandoned me and that would mean he or she were right, and I am worthless.

13. I have to get someone to need me so they wont leave me. (BIG ONE)

14. I can’t let go of this relationship because it would mean I am a failure.

15. I don’t have someone to love me, really love me, because I am not worth loving.

16. People only want me for my looks because that is all I am good for.

Often times we are just processing through belief systems that don’t work. When you are asking for something trust that you’ll get it. NO MATTER WHAT.

By, Dr. Lewis James Jordan PHD LMHC | www.JordanTherapy.com

Dr. Lewis Jordan has over 20 years experience in psychotherapy, counseling, education and public speaking. Dr. Lewis Jordan’s Psychotherapy ServicesFlorida therapy offices for Therapy & Neurofeedback Services are located in various locations throughout South Florida as well as offices in New York City and South Carolina.  Please click here for Dr. Lewis Jordan’s current Educational Videos

Please visit this site regularly http://www.JordanTherapy.com and http://www.LewisJamesJordan.com for more information and updates.  

Blessings to you.

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